Suicide - Getting Help for Yourself and Others
Mental Crisis Hotline #988
** If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please call 988 (in the U.S.) or your local emergency number right away. **
Note from the author: Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge this incredibly important topic. You may be helping to save a life. I have written this in hopes of reaching someone in need; even if just one person. Or perhaps reaching someone who knows someone in need. I write this for all of you, because you are important.
I have created a series of articles around this topic. Additional articles include:
This article will discuss:
Ways To Help Yourself If You’re Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts
Ways to Help Someone Who May Be Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts
Ways to Help Yourself If You’re Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts
If this is you, I acknowledge that you are in pain. It is important to acknowledge your own feelings. You are not alone, and reaching out is a strength, not a weakness.
I encourage you to seek professional help from someone who is trained such as a therapist, psychiatrist, hotline or mental health service. Certain therapeutic modalities such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy [CBT] and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy [DBT] have been shown to help with suicidal ideal. In fact, DBT was originally created to treat people with chronic suicidal ideation and behaviors amongst others.
Here in the U.S., you can simply call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It is confidential and there is a live person on the other end who is waiting to hear from you. The line can be used for any type of mental health crisis, substance use crisis, or emotional distress. You can also engage in chat directly via their website, https://988lifeline.org/ They provide services directly in English and Spanish, and can conference in a translator in more than 240 languages if needed.
Veterans can call 988 and press 1 to be connected to reach the Veteran Crisis Line. There are also several other routing options for crisis services, all located at 988.
There are many self-help strategies that can help. Try and build routine and utilize coping skills such as mindfulness and journaling. Try and engage in physical activity, have a sleep routine, and reduce substance use if you are using substances. While these may help you through the feeling of crisis, I always recommend speaking to a trained professional.
Have a safety plan so that in times of need you know what to do to seek help. Identify your triggers, warning signs, coping strategies, and contact persons in your safety plan, and keep it updated as needed. And if you have lethal means, remove them from your environment or ask someone to remove them for you.
As part of your safety plan, keep a list of Hope Reminders. These list are things like reasons to live, loved ones, or notes to yourself for moments of crisis. When we are in the weeds it is often hard to shift our thinking on our own when we’re feeling down and in pain. Creating this list in moments when you are not in that dark space allows us to reflect on these positive highlights.
Reach out to trusted people. Share with a close friend, family member, faith leader, or mentor instead of trying to carry it alone.
Do your best to try and limit isolation. Even if you don’t feel like talking, try and stay around safe and supportive people. Being left alone to our thoughts in isolation can often intensify them.
Try grounding techniques. Use strategies like the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Here is a link to an article I posted discussing this technique and others.
In addition to 988:
The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741)
Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ youth: 1-866-488-7386
Ways to Help Someone Who May Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts
It is important that we approach someone with care and compassion. Express concern and listen to them without judgement. Use “I” statements when speaking with them to convey that you care, and don’t minimize their pain/experience or dismiss their statements. While what they are discussing may not seem like a big deal or pain point from your experience or perspective, what they are feeling is very real for them and valid. Focus in respecting their unique experience instead of making comparisons.
Create a safe environment for them. Offer a calm and private space for the conversation. They may be feeling extremely overwhelmed and their attention span may be very limited. We want to give them the opportunity to feel welcomed in the conversation without a ton of external stimuli.
Ask directly about suicidal thoughts. Remember, as I mentioned in the first article of this series here, asking does not increase risk. Asking directly about suicide helps to destigmatizes the topic and normalizes the conversation. Your comfort in discussing suicide can create a space where they feel welcomed to engage in conversation about it.
Ask with curiosity and genuine concern and avoid being demanding or confrontational, and avoid other harmful responses. Don’t argue, don’t tell them to “snap out of it”. This can be very invalidating and drive someone deeper into a depressive state, regardless of if you have positive intentions behind it.
Use active listening and validate their feelings. Reflect back what they say to show them you are paying attention and in the moment with them. Use phrases like “It sounds like you’re feeling hopeless and tired” to show you’re really hearing them. Phrases like “That sounds incredibly painful”, or “I can see this is heavy for you” help reduce shame.
Encourage that the person seek professional help, and offer to help make appointments with/for them or to accompany them. Actions, after all, speak louder than words. Normalize help-seeking with them. Emphasize that therapy and support are not signs of weakness, but tools for recovery.
Stay connected with the individual after the conversation. Follow up with them soon after and check in with them regularly. Again, show them that you genuinely care.
If the person has access to lethal means, remove those means when possible. Make sure to use and share resource with the person, including crisis hotlines, mental health services, and community supports.
And very importantly, if they are in immediate danger, call 911 (in the U.S) or take them to the nearest emergency department. * and stay with the if possible.
Hope and Recovery After Suicidal Thoughts Is Possible
I want to highlight that hope and recover after suicidal thoughts are possible. I have experienced this personally through loved ones. Many who survive attempts or struggle with suicidal ideation go on to lead meaningful, fulfilling lives. A moment in one’s life does not define them. We all go through tough periods; some are tougher and more painful than others. But hope is a very realistic possibility.
Recovery often involves building resilience and finding meaning. Finding your own meaning and purpose, something that drives you to thrive, helps you to build that resilience. It gives you something positive to focus on and engage in when you start to notice your triggers activating. It also involves developing support systems so that if times get tough, you know that you don’t need to go at it alone. And often times recovery can be aided by therapy and possibly medication. Mental health professionals are trained to understand your pain and what you may be going through, because it’s real.
There are several proven interventions that can make a significant difference when it comes to recovery. I already mentioned therapy, but there are also support groups. There are so many various support groups out there in your local community and online as well for all kinds of needed support, such as addiction, depression, anxiety, and other various disorders and struggles. As well, there are support groups for those who support those in need such as family members, spouses, friends, etc. Do an online search for “support groups in my area for _______”.
Groups help reduce risk and improve well-being. They are a safe space where you can gain support from a trained professional, especially for those who may not feel comfortable in one-on-one therapy; although I do highly recommend one-on-one in addition to group therapy. They provide a sense of understanding, community and resilience, and often times members are able to learn positive support strategies from others who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. While you may feel as though you are the only person experiencing such pain, I can assure you that you are not the only one; being around others who get you can be extremely validating and a driver for hope.
I encourage you to take small steps, one day at a time. First speak to someone about what’s going on. Share your pain with someone so that you’re not holding that burden all to yourself. Seek help from a professional, or ask someone to help you find support [don’t forget that 988 number]. Try and place yourself in a safe and supportive environment and build connections with supportive individuals.
Whether you are the person in pain, or you know someone who is, there is hope.
Further Reading
Here are some additional articles I have posted that follow this information that continue this topic for further reading:
